I feel absolutely terrible for getting upset and jealous so much but I can’t help it. :(

I’m never going to be a cute Asian girl or a slim blonde and it kills me inside.

I’m never going to look good in a pencil skirt or sexy cosplay or a corset…or anything. I don’t even look good in my own skin.

It’s not even me I want to change for.

I wish I could change the way I look completely because then I’d know that I’m what he actually wants and not what he settled for. 

I want nothing more than to look good for him but I try so hard and just look and feel horrible. 

I know how stupid it sounds but I just feel awful about myself every single day and just wish I could be what he actually likes.

He gets annoyed because I get upset when he talks about his crushes or what he likes in a girl and they are simply the total opposite of me…but I don’t think that’s too hard to understand - is it?

I’ve never cared much for people (as horrible as that sounds) so it amazes me to this day how much I care about him - I’d do absolutely anything for him. 

I know it’s pathetic to sound so self absorbed but I just couldn’t bare losing him because of the way I feel and act as a result.

Aaaarrggghhh I fucking hate myself. -.-

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Sorry to say all this here but I just wanted to get it out of my system.